I have never wanted night to fall so fast as I need it to tonight -
I long for another of Mother Moon’s supermoonlight baths,
like the past two nights ...
these moonlight baths are the closest thing to divine love
since a bath in the big white, enamel sink...
The last two nights, I sat outside with Mother Moon all night -
and a good deal of tonight too will be spent with her as well -
mostly on the back steps - the side porch is for 'moonshadows'
This month I need moonlight to reveal the path suddenly lost
from solid and unobstructed to thorny and twisted,
branching off into a million different directions ...
the crux of the problem, as I see it,
is discerning what is dharma - which impacts the good of All?
and what is karma - which serves only
me?
I am a campbell hero jousting for position with the clearly insane ...
Does infant abandonment cause such damage
as to compensate with vision-blinding grandiosity?
Am I not who I think that I am?
Typing this alone in the house, unaccustomed tears fall openly -
nowhere have I yet seen the path to take me home ...
is this where the Taoist would recognize the place of [doing] nothing?
as in,
the wise man does nothing; he therefore leaves nothing un-done?
Aries sun, "the first to burst forth," doesn't do well with 'doing nothing'
and being born on the cusp of Pisces, the end …
just inside Aries, the beginning, but in the month of Pisces, the ending?
Let's just say, life has been one big tug of war,
and now the frontlines are closer than ever before –
... I'm so tired -
tired of believing,
of trying,
of studying,
of hurting,
of just plain bein' incarnate anymore ...
yet what drives me on?
*looks out window*
sunset -
Mother will be along soon ...
*huge sigh*
thanks for 'listening'
later
-NHT
©2009
