Random Thoughts - Forgotten Memories

May Day
Random Thoughts - Forgotten Memories
or, what happens when the shy are chosen

for me, lifelong shyness has been a constant companion,

but never more so than the last saturday in april of my 14th year –

the parish was choosing who would crown Mary,

a yearly lavish parish celebration which began with a community feast …

it was an honour to any 8th grade girl to be chosen

seen as prelude for most to confirmation –

and the choosing was a lesson in itself,

an opportunity to learn about detachment and faith …

for this choosing wasn’t based on qualifications, or achievement –

but, as mary was chosen by God,

so too was the one who would crown her be chosen by God –

who, in this case, rendered his decision by means of a plastic almond

(easier on the teeth than the hidden coin, i suppose) -

to be delivered inside cupcakes served to all the 8th grade girls

once the communal meal was finished, usually a grand potluck –

may has magic
and maypoles
and mother's day
and happy month of mary
-nht

it was the moment every 8th grade girl thought about all year (well, most anyway)

because whoever got the almond was the chosen one to crown Mary -
the chosen one, crowned and enthroned herself, was carried in procession
on the shoulders of young men to the church -

for most, it was a magical day ...

so here’s how it went down that day for this deathly shy one …
yes, i could've just not taken a cupcake,
but chocolate has such an unspeakable attraction,
and besides, reason argued, what're the odds?

And yet so it was, at that very first bite,

my teeth imprinted deeply on the plastic almond in my cupcake and,
knowing what that meant,

a flush rose up from my shoulders shrouding my head in a fog -

i looked out over the sea of parish girls my age (i was tall)

and begged God that mine wasn’t the only hidden almond …

as my eyes desperately scanned the bobbing heads of excitement,

my prayer grew more fervent … please take this away from me ...
at the very moment the devil arrived and reminded me

how my silence about this thing in my mouth would let down so many people …

still i selfishly prayed for relief, yet teetering on indecision's precipice,

through the most awful, longest eternity ever

when at last another's voice from across the hall rang out:
I found it!

i was so grateful that i had to will my knees to stay locked,
lest i crumble to the ground …