*medicine dream is one from which the extraordinary can manifest into ordinary reality -
she was my caretaker, so we weren't related,
but Pa and i had a special bond.
his response to the probable life ahead for an abandoned child
his response to the probable life ahead for an abandoned child
was to smooth out edges when and where he could
One night i had a dream ...
Pa and i were walking down the road by our house
into a warm, benignly blinding sunshine -
bathing everything in a bright glow,
the trees, the birds, the sky, the brook, the Earth, everything
and i thought it was because of how much i loved this man ...
we were heading toward the babbling, splashing of the brook
that ran by where we lived –
It was up ahead right after the crook in the road –
it was where catching tadpoles reigned supreme in spring
and where the dry summer culvert beneath the road
was the bestest-ever hide-and-seek spot
but only if whoever was ‘it’ didn’t know the culvert’s seasonal habits …
it was also the best place if you just wanted to be alone –
that's what inspired me to learn to walk the ridges of the culvert sides,
that's what inspired me to learn to walk the ridges of the culvert sides,
so i could hide even when the brook ran high…
sitting inside, i'd listen for the echo of my name being called,
strangely comforted that no-one knew where i was…
the brook was one of our limits –
don’t go past the brook, the adults say.
Further on down the road way beyond my territory
was the neighbourhood, anachronistic 1890's candy store –
it even smelled old mixed in with tons of penny candy –
in a few years my limits would be the covetted candy store itself -
and one day after school i would close the joint down
when neither side of my indecisive aries/pisces cusp
could agree on how to spend my penny –
it was between one of those cones with marshmallow as ice cream
or on 2 for a penny mint juleps, my absolute favourite?
I decided on the former and was sorely disappointed.
Pa coughed lightly.
I looked up sideways at him
I looked up sideways at him
considering that maybe
he was taking me to the candy store -
Suddenly my whole self was drawn upward, outward
until i realized i could see both Pa and myself walking down below,
hand in hand on the glowing ribbon-like road -
simultaneously aware of two different perspectives,
i knew i was both participating and watching,
from both inside me and outside me -
from both inside me and outside me -
and still from those vantage points yet a third POV triangulated
wherein via detachment i became a singular onlooking observer of it all -
We arrived at the brook, this old man and little girl -
Pa stopped and stooped down to the earthbound me,
his face full of familiar kindness mixed with unfamiliar sadness.
The detached me watched impartially patient
as the old man lightly touched the little girl's cheek,
cocked his head ever so slightly to the side
and said quietly to her, "You can't come with me any further this time."
The internal me didn't understand, but obedient, she stood strong
as he walked away, his manner clear that she must not follow.
Silent, she watched as he disappeared around the bend -
and angels wept at the young heart shattered.
The next morning when i awoke,
muffled voices, more than usual, filled the small house.
I remembered my dream and began asking, "Pa? Where's Pa?"
Someone leaned down and whispered in my ear.
Pa’s dead, dear…sh!
The words whorled me back into the Dreamtime, and i bolted outside,
running and crying, "i want to go with you - Pa, wait for me!"
i wanted to at least walk with him to the brook.
Many years would pass before i realized
that i did walk with him to the brook!
NHT
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